Well, here we are! We are in the last days of 2017 and I am sitting in my living room reflecting while listening to Christmas music with a bunch of candles lit.
So I am just going to come out and say it. For the most part, 2017 was a challenging year for me. I have choice words! Now, some people who know me are going to think to themselves “but Steph … this year was a life changer!” and my response to that is: YES! Finally, I caught a break … ON DECEMBER 3RD!! There were 11 heinous months prior to that! So let’s begin story time, shall we?
Remember when I went rogue in August? I was initially hesitant to share about this but I am ready now. At this time, I spent three weeks in Europe and learned three very important lessons.
Lesson #1: Self-Care
To begin, I needed to figure out how to take time to look after myself. This manifested itself to me as I sat in my future mother-in-law’s living room the first afternoon after flying to Dublin … catch that? … not yet? okay, don’t worry, it’s coming. Anyway, I was in her home and she was at work. Maciej’s mom lives very humbly in the countryside. Her internet access is extremely limited and being abroad, I do not have cellular access. The walk to the nearest town is 2 hours by foot. I did have some tasks to do – which I worked slowly on – but I was horribly jetlagged. Instead of engaging in virtual overstimulation, I opened the door where I could see the lush Irish fields, and I read a book. Despite not having the internet to contact people, it was the first time in months I did not experience the physical symptoms of anxiety. I was so calm. The air was fresh and my MIL – did I do that again? – has exquisite taste in coffee … and in hard liquor but that, my friends is a selective tale I will not share on here because what happens during girls night, stays with girls night! I digress. Sitting there reading while not even anticipating a phone call, text, e-mail, push notification … whatever … was the best peace I had experienced in months. It was time to take it easy.
Lesson #2: Work Better, Not Harder
The second lesson was that I needed a professional kick in the ass. I am guilty of overworking and feeling like I am getting nowhere in the process. After spending some time this weekend reviewing my portfolio in preparation for upcoming applications, I realized that for someone who has a few years before reaching the grand “30” mark, I am accomplishing more than average. Furthermore, I learned I really need to not rush through these processes! While having an end-goal in mind is important, I need to stop being so
bloody anxious about the process and find a way to enjoy it because when I finally accomplish that end goal, then what? Retirement? That means I have spent the bulk of my working life in a panic when really, I do enjoy the work I do. The World Happiness Report (2016) expresses that,
Most Americans sampled daily in the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index Survey feel happier on weekends, to an extent that depends on the social context on and off the job. The weekend effect disappears for those employed in a high trust workplace, who regard their superior more as a partner than a boss and maintain their social life during weekdays.
(Helliwell, Layard & Saches, 2016 p. 30)
While working hard is great … commendable even … balance is paramount.
I am currently tying up some loose ends; however, come the new year, I intend to make it a focus to be more deliberate and organized with my time and tackle my endeavors in smaller chunks rather than adrenal binges followed by exhausting crashes post-completion. This will allow for more time to do things that I enjoy including this creative writing project and spending time with good people.
- The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way of Living Well by Miek Wiking
- Rushing Women’s Syndrome by Dr. Libby Weaver
- Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things (Available on Netflix)
- The Minimalists Podcast
These are a few of my favorites, I’m sure more will come to mind.
Lesson #3: Don’t Forget Your Love for Others
The last lesson that really took me and shook me was while I was lost in selfish “Me-Land” – which I needed for a while; however, overstayed my tenancy – is that while Maciej can be stubborn (so am I), I needed to transition from being my own frantic mess and his girlfriend to loving him as my evil sidekick … too personal? Yea, I’m uncomfortable but I have lingered with the “appropriate language” long enough. It’s not that we ever stopped loving each other, it’s just that when chaos reigns, it pours! I have to remind myself a lot that when he is trying to take me away from my work, it is usually because he wants to just be with me and that is not bad.
So, while 2017 started with me wondering who pissed in it’s Cheerios ( … sorry), it was a closing chapter in the middle of my life’s story.
That can’t be it? Can it?
No, I save the best for last.
On November 18th, 2017 I stood in Costco comparing coffee choices while Maciej was going bat-crazy wanting the latest, greatest iPhone X. His phone was binging as he frantically tried to place holds for pick up crying out in a panic “WHAT TIME CAN WE GET THIS!?” and I was like “WHAT COFFEE ARE WE CHOOSING!?”. This ended up with me in a large shopping plaza on a Saturday. Like the masochist I am, I simply love driving in shopping center parking lots on a Saturday afternoon. It’s my favorite. I kicked this man out of my car and told him to get out and head to Apple while I park as far away from civilization as possible. When I successfully found my spot, I walked in. He get’s his phone and I decide at that moment, he is not winning after that show! No, no, no. On our walk back to the car, I saw Michael Hill. I grabbed this man by the arm out of nowhere and proudly stated that this man was going to buy me a $10,000 engagement ring. Tell me how he goes along with it and the poor customer service representative is like shouting “GET THIS WOMAN A BIGGER DIAMOND”. We, of course, were not going to buy, I just wanted to make him uncomfortable. Well let me tell you, Maciej was a little too comfortable. So in the car, I told him that I did not want a ring out of our budget and especially since I work in a job where my hands are exposed to the elements …. you know … finger paint … markers … boogers … the works. He calmly responded that the next week being Black Friday, perhaps we could get something nice in our budget. I worked that week and come Friday, I was getting hasty so I asked him as soon as I walked in the door, “Honey? Can we go shopping?” he said “sure”. We found a small jeweler who had the whole store on 50% off (*Bonus!*) and I sat while he put a couple on my finger and held my hand close to his face until he found the one. It needed to be resized and I have the car so that Wednesday I received my call that it was ready and I was there. Now, in the store for resizing, they have to check to make sure it fits properly. So I let them. I also told them that they should just leave it on there because I wanted to make sure it did not fall off as I drove home. And on my drive home, there was a bridal shop. So obviously I tried on a few dresses. Leave me be!!
When I arrived home, I put it back in the box and left it on his desk. This man played hard to get! But that Sunday, he was pretty insistent on a hike so I took the bait. We stopped for lunch and the outlook was beautiful. He stood up and reached into his pocket. I thought to myself, “This is it!” … and he pulled out a tissue to blow his nose … lovely. We continued hiking and finally, after having to climb uphill, Maciej asked me to marry him. I personally told him …
Yes! Actually, I will be honest I was nodding my head because like, I don’t even know, apparently I lost my words? Which seems unlikely, he had to ask me … “are you going to say yes?” LOL, I did! And I am thrilled. I get that some people hear the story and respond that “Oh so it was not really a surprise??” to which I am totally fine with because they aren’t invited anyway … sooooo. This proposal is who we are – two people who exchanged CVs on our first date. And I am thrilled for 2018 to be a very special year! And I know that 2017 was the year I learned that we are well matched.
So that being said, why does 2017 invoke such choice words from me? Because it was uncomfortable even though it finished off perfectly. What can I say, I’m a wimp! And no offense, but the cosmos totally owed me after that Saturn Retrograde crap! Would I redo this year again? Nope. But I am so happy with the outcome!
To you and your families, I wish you the best Holiday Season and may 2018 bring many great experiences, memories and as the Danish say, Hygge.